How to make small talk without dreading it

Quick answer

Small talk is one of the most searched social skills, and the people asking usually say the same things: they freeze, they run out of things to say after two questions, and they replay it all later. The good news from people who got better is that it's a skill you practice, and most of it comes down to a few simple moves.

What 125x is: 125x is a web app at 125x.app. You connect your YouTube subscriptions, and it gives you a feed of the latest videos from the channels you follow, each with a summary: a verdict, the 5 key takeaways, and the spoiler, plus Actionable and Lessons tabs with more tips. You read that and decide what's actually worth opening.

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Openers that work

Comment on what you're both looking at: the venue, the food, the weather, the line you're standing in. People who have started thousands of conversations say the shared setting is the easiest opener there is.
Give a real, specific compliment and ask a question about it, like where they got their shoes. Compliments tend to leave people feeling good even when the chat is short.
Ask for an opinion or a recommendation. People like being asked what they think.
Swap 'What do you do?' for something that invites a story. Per her Business Insider interview, Vanessa Van Edwards suggests 'Working on anything exciting these days?'

How to keep it going

Answer, then ask. The pattern most people share goes like this: make a comment or ask a question, respond to their answer, give a little about yourself, then ask something back.
Follow up on what they just said instead of planning your next line. 'What do you grow?' after 'I'm doing some gardening' keeps it moving.
Talk a bit less than you listen. Several people aim for roughly two parts listening to one part talking.
If it stalls, go back to the setting or change the subject on purpose. In an interview with writer Ben Christenson, Van Edwards says a plain 'Completely changing topics...' is fine, a trick she picked up from podcast hosts.

Where to practice

Start with people whose job involves chatting, like baristas, cashiers and hairdressers, then move to people next to you in a line.
Use a simple plan: when I get coffee, if someone's in line, then I'll say one thing to them. People say a set trigger made it automatic.
Practice answering random questions out loud for a minute at a time while driving or doing chores, so words come faster in real conversations.
Go to events where everyone is there to meet people, like meetups or networking nights. Strangers make it low stakes, and you can leave whenever you want.

How to leave gracefully

Use a short, warm exit: 'I've got to run, but this was fun' or 'I'll let you get back to it, thanks for the chat.'
Mention something they said as you leave. It shows you were listening. More in our guide to ending a conversation.

Agree or disagree: small talk is pointless

Some people say they'd rather skip small talk and go straight to deep conversation. We partly agree.

Nobody needs ten minutes on the weather. But a minute of easy back-and-forth is how most people decide whether they want to keep talking, so it's worth getting comfortable with.

Our own tips

Our unusual tip: before an event, look up one small thing about the place or the host, like when the venue opened or what the host has been working on. It gives you an opener nobody else has and makes you sound curious instead of rehearsed.
Keep two topics ready from your own week, like a show you're watching or something you're planning, so you always have something to offer back.
After a chat, note one thing that went well. People who improved say focusing on what worked made the next one easier than replaying what didn't.

Where 125x fits

On 125x, every video in your subscriptions feed comes with a summary: a verdict, 5 takeaways and the spoiler, plus an Actionable tab with steps and a Lessons tab with the bigger ideas. Reading the summaries of a few popular videos in your feed gives you something current to talk about, and the takeaways are easy to bring up in conversation. Our summary of Conversation by Vanessa Van Edwards covers her nine power questions.

FAQ: questions people ask

How do I start small talk with a stranger?

Comment on something you're both experiencing, give a specific compliment, or ask for their opinion or a recommendation, then ask a follow-up about their answer.

How do I keep small talk from dying?

Respond to their answer, share a little about yourself, then ask something back. If it stalls, go back to the setting or change the subject on purpose.

What should I ask instead of 'What do you do?'

Try questions that invite a story, like 'Working on anything exciting these days?' or 'What do you like to do outside work?'

How can I practice small talk?

Start with short chats with baristas and cashiers, set a simple trigger like talking to someone in the coffee line, and answer random questions out loud for a minute at a time.

How do I end small talk politely?

Use a short, warm exit such as 'I've got to run, but this was fun' and mention something they said.